this is insane he sounds like hes doing standup
The man got a room full of Republicans to cheer for the burqa in 30 seconds
"if I was a woman". Hmmm
i spent $32 on this fucking bowl at the moma and at first i felt bad buying it bc it was so expensive but ive had a terrible day today and every time i look at my lil bowl im like :o) you know what. i can get through anything with this bowl by my side
I don’t know how long I’ve been here. Time seems to pass differently. But the place is cozy and private so I have no complaints. And whenever I’m hungry, I go outside with my bowl and walk down the hill to the shore. Sometimes the lake is made of soup. Sometimes it’s huge pasta noodles the size of barges. Sometimes it’s breakfast cereal. Sometimes it’s dumplings the size of great whales. I dip my little bowl and take a portion and carry it back up to the house.
Today I found a new bowl! In its center is a little hill with a little house. I will carry it down to the shore and fill it up, and whomever lives in that little house can have a tiny portion of my meal. I hope they have a nice bowl to put it in..

tags by @crackinglamb
‘you and everyone you wish to idly ask this question of can definitely easily learn a new alphabet that works in a completely different way than ur used to alphabets working. this is a reasonable thing to expect’
‘ts’ and 'ce’ endings are very similar, but with a very slight harder consonant on 'TS’. So nuance is pronounced *almost* the same as new-aunts. Probably identitcal sounding to anyone with a different dialect
i am once again asking english speakers to learn how to speak their own language.
58 seconds to demonstrate EXACTLY why professionalism requires manners.
For those of you who do not speak Corporate, this is just:
“Fuck you.”
“Fuck you, too.”
Please, the Zweihänder is a specialist weapon for breaking pike formations. Are your coworkers in a pike formation? Are they blocking your advance with a wall of thorny death? No? Then what the hell is a Zweihänder gonna do?
Really wanna fuck up your coworkers? Halberd from the elevator. Polearms have the range you need. Doors open, skewer Steve from accounting, doors close. Ride it back down, doors open, skewer Laura at the front desk. Back up, open doors, stab Jason, repeat. They call security? You’ve got feet of range on that motherfucker. Dinky little baton ain’t shit next to a Halberd. I’ve pulled the old elevator Halberd at five, six of my jobs over the years and they never see it coming. Until it’s too late, that is. Just a little tip for ya. Keep the change.
Ok I love this???
"baptise me in hot dog water"
Hot dog water - there's a Tumblr post out there I've seen saying hot dog water is the opposite of holy water, due to the fact that a single drop of it will contaminate what it touches. I assume this was partly inspired by this allusion but who knows for sure.
Also the the idea of holy water as inhuman and cleaning vs hot dog water as the remains of feeding someone - often a child - and entirely human. It may be dirty and I do not want it on me but God hot dog water has some memories. You will not wash away my sins. They're mine. Also, anyone can make hot dog water but holy water is refined, restricted (yes anyone can make it in an emergency but lay people are restricted from it)
"you and I both know"
Unlike baptism for babies, this one is done between two people who are both aware of what is happening. The one receiving the baptism gives the orders about what they want to happen. The giver and receiver are portrayed as equals. They are equally aware of their humanity.
"the holy stuff won't take"
Ooof heartbreaking, amazing line. Raises so many questions. What does it mean when the water "takes"? What has the receiver done that makes them unfit for holy water? Or, what has the holy water done that makes it to weak to help, to be a part of your life?
The poem as a whole - I love the lack of capitalization. It adds a sort of intimacy to the poem, and the statement from the speaker. The high words "baptise" and "holy" being offset by "take" and "hot dog". Also "hot dog water" vs "holy stuff." The cadence! I would lick it.
I love the serious analysis, and I think I find it persuasive.
This also sheds a lot of light on some plot points in Scooby Doo! Mystery Incorporated.
Not to turn this into another house full of chintz, but I'mma fuck this poem on the floor.
Meter
There are two readings of the poem's meter that I immediately identify, the first is how I'd want to read it, and the second is how a normal person would probably read it, but both make the same point.
In my interpretation (left), the first line is four wholely irregular feet: an iamb into a dibrach into two trochees; The second line is two trouches into a hanging stressed syllable; And the third line is three iambs.
In the more normal interpretation(right), the first line and second line are six trochees all together plus that hanging syllable in 'knowing' which transitions the poem to iambic trimeter.
And look at the interesting result of that laid bare:

In English poetry there's a tradition, all other things being equal, that iambs are considered the sophisticated foot with trochees often being contrasted as the vulgar or common foot.
The vulgar in specificity "hot dog water" is put in trochee, while the respectably vague "the holy stuff" is afforded iambs. Without the poet having thought of the stress things the pattern actively, this incapulation of the English poetic tradition is astounding. Especially when you consider the
Chiasmus
Chiasmus is a figure of rhetorical construction, in which two pairs of ideas are laid across each other, A B B A. It's one of the more popular figures of rhetoric and if you're looking for it you'll see it everywhere.
In the most literal sense, it's about repetition; but, you can apply it more liberally to ideas, thoughts, or in this case, parts of speech:
The nouns and verb pairs in the first and third lines crossover each other. They are in chiasmus. Structurally, the inversion makes the poem feel more solid, while still furthering emphasizing the contrast between the idea of hot dog water and the holy stuff.
Opening with a command and closing with a result.
Since a few people have been asking for sources, I did what they themselves could have done and simply typed the quotes into a search engine. This is what I found:
88% of boys with gender dysphoria outgrow it by their 20s
(source: Department of Human Development and Applied Psychology, Ontario Institute for Studies in Education, University of Toronto)
"In childhood, the boys were assessed at a mean age of 7.49 years (range, 3.33–12.99) at a mean year of 1989 and followed-up at a mean age of 20.58 years (range, 13.07–39.15) at a mean year of 2002... At follow-up, [...] Of the 139 participants, 17 (12.2%) were classified as persisters and the remaining 122 (87.8%) were classified as desisters."
That study also touches upon the claim of 60% of the boys with gender dysphoria turning out to be gay:
"Data on sexual orientation in fantasy were available for 129 participants: 82 (63.6%) were classified as biphilic/androphilic [in other words homosexual]"
Some further sources listed here:
Another take on it from the Handbook of Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders:
I couldn't find anything specifically stating that 90% of transgender cases are autistic, but it seems very well established that there is a strong link:
[video by theonlyfayludes. caption: FERBALICIOUS 💅]
you better not be a cunty furby when i get there
me:
A real thing that happened is me as a teenager.
I had what turned out to be a dangerous walking pneumonia, for a week, but the manager at Burger King wouldn’t let me off. My breathing was very loud and ragged. I was coughing on and breathing on the food.
I wasn’t allowed to leave. I was told if i called out, I was fired.
So Im shuffling around wheezing loudly swaying with my high fever as I work drive thru by myself, and a paramedic walked in to order dinner.
He goes ballistic, My friends. He demands to see the Manager. he chews him out at the top of his lungs so the whole restaurant can here. Guys working the back came up to watch. Customers staring and thinking hard about the infectious food they were eating. Dude losing his shit about how infectious I was and all the people management had been endangering for days judging from my breathing and I needed to be home on antibiotics RIGHT NOW and the health Department was going to hear about this.
I went home. i got the week off. Didn’t even need a doctor’s note.
Getting friends management doesn’t know to do this WOULD WORK.
Same manager not letting me take my influenza home a year later despite repeated vomiting? Threw up in front of customers. Customers demanded money back and started threatening the manager with lawsuits.
I got to go home and got time off until I stopped vomitting.
GO AHEAD and THROW UP in front of Customers. THEY will Complain.
Don’t be shy.
They are supposed to let you stay home when you are sick. Stop protecting management. (Hiding how sick you are protects management). They are abusing you. Let them reap what they sow.
Also, as someone who works in insurance, you can sue them for "employment practices". Most companies will settle out of court for whatever the insurance will cover for a single instance, typically $1 million.
Employment practices liability.



























